Diversity Woman Magazine

WIN 2016

Leadership and Executive Development for women of all races, cultures and backgrounds

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d i v e r s i t y w o m a n . c o m W i n t e r 2 0 1 6 D I V E R S I T Y W O M A N 35 Point of View > Fresh Insight Y ou fnd yourself in a meeting with a coworker, and as she is trying to make her point, she says something like, "Well, to be honest with you . . . " It might make you wonder if she were not being honest with you the other times you were talking. Even the younger genera- tion has an idiom with this level of authenticity: "just saying." Flying the banner of authenticity Tere appears to be a relationship epidemic in our society that is fueled by our need to be authentic. Te trait of honesty, once viewed as a noble human characteristic, has become an authenticity "shield" that people hide behind when mak- ing damaging, unhelpful remarks: • critical observations about others' charac- ter, appearance, or work • opinions (value judgments) about others' behavior or worldview Tis form of being authentic makes no requirement on the speaker to ofer a helpful suggestion or resolution. Tus, authentic- ity now gives us license to comment on our feelings about someone else, while avoiding any social repercussions that may come from such comments, as well as alleviating us of any responsibility to provide a solution. It's me, not you Te challenge we face with authenticity is that it starts and ends with the individual. Respected social researcher and author Brene Brown writes, "Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. Te choice to be honest. Te choice to let our true selves be seen." In this case, she is addressing our transparency. Simply put, transparency is the window shutter to our authenticity. Authenticity is directly tied to who we are, regardless of others. Being authentic does not necessarily help anyone else. Let's try being sincere In my latest research, I challenge this concept of authenticity with a more ma- ture concept—that of sincerity. Trough Thomas Tonkin rigorous analysis, I have come to the conclusion that we can be sincere through three steps. First, notice a social injustice com- mitted upon a person. To be sincere requires an opportunity to engage with others. We are drawn to help the underdog. Second, have empathy for that person. Em- pathy is a feeling that comes when we notice that someone else's circumstances afect our feelings. Tird, show that person a caring act. Comfort the person or take a specifc action toward addressing the injustice. Note the diference between authenticity and sincerity. Authenticity is all about the individual ofering it, while sincerity is all about the other person. A quick test shows you where your focus is. If you were sitting in a room by yourself, would you be able to be authentic? Of course you could because it doesn't require anybody else. However, if you were sitting in a room by yourself, would you be able to be sincere? Not at all. As we progress to becoming better leaders both personally and professionally, we need to remember to orient our actions toward others. Being sincere activates our senses to the circumstances of others, providing a path to engage in a relationship. It wasn't too long ago that we ended our letters with "Sincerely yours," hoping to enhance our relationship with others. By moving to being more sin- cere, we can improve our relationships, show others that we care, and potentially be able to change the world—sincerely yours. DW Dr. Tonkin is a Principal Consultant at Cornerstone OnDemand where he is part of Thought Leadership & Advisory Services, specifcally focused on change management and HR transformations. The challenge we face with authenticity is that it begins and ends with the individual. Authenticity Is Killing Our Relationships

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