Leadership and Executive Development for women of all races, cultures and backgrounds
Issue link: https://diversitywoman.epubxp.com/i/510478
18 D I V E R S I T Y W O M A N S u m m e r 2 0 1 5 d i v e r s i t y w o m a n . c o m We Mean Business > 2. Focus on being respected, not on being liked. It's natural to want to be liked, but you need to pay more attention to the impor- tance of your contribution. "If you plan on saying something that's unpopular or innovative, you run the risk of step- ping on toes or not having your idea well received, and you may translate that to 'People aren't going to like me,'" Pryor says. "Tat, in turn, may hold you back from speaking up." Emily Barnes, a leadership consultant and certifed executive coach at Execu- tive Coaching & Consulting Associates in Washington, DC, worked with a woman tapped for a senior executive position in a health organization. In the midst of a crisis relating to the H1N1 infuenza virus, the woman couldn't get her boss's attention because he was exhausted from working countless hours on the problem. An expert on H1N1, she knew she could contribute, but her boss continuously rejected her of- fers to help him manage the crisis. Men are more inclined to jump in and not ask permission. Barnes explained to the woman that she needed to be more as- sertive and say something like, "Listen, I see that there are fve things you're not able to get to. I'm going to take a stab at two, three, and four unless you have objections, and here's what I intend to do. If that doesn't work for you, let me know now." 3. Prepare for meetings and presenta- tions. Women who are reluctant to speak up should prepare a crib sheet with buzz- words that will spark them to contribute, Barnes suggests, and be ready to jump in. When the ball is being passed quickly in a meeting, no one is going to stop and say, "Excuse me. Charlotte, did you have some- thing to say?" Write down what you want to achieve in a meeting or presentation. "If it's a chal- lenging setting, arrive early and choose your seat before the meeting," Pryor sug- gests. "You might talk to one of the meet- ing attendees beforehand as well so that the person hears your view more fully and you obtain ground-level support. If you've been shut down in the past, write down some of the things people have said to you and how you could have responded so you'll be ready this time." Barnes reminds women that confdence comes by practicing something over and over until you're good at it. 4. Learn the language of assertiveness. It's generally agreed that men and women communicate diferently. Men tend to be direct (you didn't hand in that analysis), and women tend to soften statements (why didn't you hand in that analysis?). If someone is dismissing you, say, "I hear your point, but I want to add some- thing to that." If time is running out, be persistent. Say, "I do still have something to add and if we don't have time today, I'd like to put it on the agenda for the next meeting." Channel Rachel Maddow, who famously stood up on her TV program when frustrated by two talkative men. It got their attention. DW Pat Olsen is a frequent contributor to Te New York Times and other publications. Y ou have more choices in how to act when you understand differences in cross-gender communication styles in the workplace. Giving vs. Sharing Information When men speak in meetings, they often "give a report" to enhance their own power. Women often share infor- mation to help others gain the same level of knowledge as they have to equalize the playing feld. Author Deborah Tannen calls this "report talk" vs. "rapport talk." In these two styles, men frequently interrupt and compete for airtime; women wait to speak until others are heard. If your goal is to build relationships and de- velop rapport, continue to engage in "rapport talk" by letting others share the floor. If your goal is to demonstrate your expertise, engage in "report talk," which will increase your credibility. Look for opportunities to express yourself rather than waiting for others to talk. If someone interrupts you, make a declarative statement like, "I haven't finished what I am saying." No apologies needed. Listening Men listen to solve problems. Women listen to gain understanding. Understanding Cross-Gender Communication Differences Whereas a man will usually offer a solu- tion immediately, a woman may show empathy or ask for more information. Find out from the speaker what she or he wants you to do. Ask your speaker directly, "Do you want me to listen or give you advice?" Making Decisions Men tend to make unilat- eral decisions and are more comfortable giving and taking orders, in particular from higher-level males. Women tend to seek input and consensus and are more comfort- able with giving and taking suggestions from men and women. When women say, "Do you think we should do this?" it sends confusing sig- nals. Other women will hear this statement as asking for input and taking suggestions. Men, however, will hear this as being wishy-washy and wonder if the speaker lacks confdence. Men usually don't feel it necessary to check with others before mak- ing a decision and taking action. That's not always true for women. When making decisions, state that you are gathering input, but clarify that you will be the ultimate decision maker. When seeking consensus, state that goal. Your colleagues will feel more comfortable with making suggestions. THINKSTOCKPHOTOS